The first day of my court battle against an overzealous, unjust speeding ticket in Sauk County was far from epic. Though, quite honestly, I’d be perfectly happy if we could settle the whole thing without ever approaching the realm of the epic.

To recap — In late August, I was enjoying a lovely afternoon at Devil’s Lake with some friends, and prior to striking out for home, I took a friend for a spin around the park on the back of my bike. In the course of our explorations, we rolled through some of the innermost campsites of the state park and got a little turned around. It was at this point one Ranger Lane with the DNR claims his equipment indicated I was operating at 30 miles an hour in a 15 zone.

For my part, I admit no guilt at this juncture. He has his story about a finely-tuned piece of equipment that regulations dictate he calibrates daily, I have mine about an unexplained gravitational phenomenon unique to that space and that time causing a case of extremely localized temporal dilation, lending my bike the appearance of traveling faster than it actually was.

I say let the people decide.

As such, I had to appear at the Sauk County Courthouse yesterday to plead not guilty to the charges. I’ve been partway through this process before, so I knew it wasn’t necessary to go in guns a’blazing, ready with excuses and appeals to decency and prepared witnesses. For most courts, the first step in contesting a traffic citation is as simple as signing a piece of paper declaring your intention to do so.

But as I was walking in, I couldn’t help but be goaded on by a member of the District Attorney’s staff. A fella from La Valle, apparently set on the same goal I was, had gotten lost in the courthouse and rapped on the first door he’d found to ask how to contest a traffic ticket. As I approached, the guy who answered (he looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him, which is why I’m guessing DA’s staff) was telling him, “down that hall and to the right, and you tell them you’re going to FIGHT that ticket.”

The quiet fella thanked him and started down the hall, but the DA’s staffer hadn’t made his point yet. “You tell them you’re going to take it to the HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND!” he hollered after the small-towner, who hustled his step down the hall.

For traffic intake, the courts set it up so all the people issued tickets by certain law enforcement agencies have to plead on the same day. Judging by the officials and the people on hand, I’d say yesterday was for tickets issued by the village of La Valle and the DNR, because it was me, the quiet fella, and a couple dozen or so agitated kids aged 16 to 20, talking about how they were going to fight the drinking tickets they got at Devil’s Lake.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you’re going to drink underage, the worst damn place you can do it is at a campsite.

So two hours of driving and five minutes of paperwork later, Sauk County knows I’m ready to fight my ticket. Now the ball’s in their court, as I await some kind of contact. The best-case scenario is they’ll offer to drop the ticket — the worst is they call me out and schedule a jury trial. Realistically, the end result will probably fall somewhere in the middle.

Me? I just want to get back to turning over a new leaf as a safe, mature driver. I’ve reformed, damnit! I’m a butterfly crushed on the wheel of society.