That’s it, I’m putting my foot down. I’ve had it with the teen-vampire craze, particularly the Twilight novels and movies. I propose an immediate Madison police policy of threatening any eyeliner-sporting pale-skinned guy with a wooden stake to the heart.

Think my reaction’s a little extreme? I bet you the jogger in this Madison police report would agree with me:

You read it here first — either some member of the lunatic fringe is convinced he’s a character in one of these crappy vampire stories that are suddenly everywhere, or the daywalkers are really among us. Either way, sound public policy dictates that we hunt down anyone who looks suspiciously emo, whose skin is just a bit too pale or whose clothing is too strategically disheveled, and we stake ‘em.

As for this poor jogger’s mystery assailant, I’ve rounded up the usual suspects and put together this lineup. Male? White? Twenty-something? Slender? Spiky brown hair? Gray T-shirt? Propensity to hiss? I think we have our suspect.

Stake 'em. All of 'em.

Democrat Louis Molepske, the state Assembly Representative from Stevens Point, gets my “Sconnie of the Week” award today — and deservedly so. It’s these little quirks in Wisconsinites that make the snow, the sleet and the cold all worthwhile.

Molepske’s Sconnie cred was on full display this afternoon when, in an interview with me on some legislation he’s drafting, he referred to a Chicago native as being “from Down South.” It made my day, because I do the same damn thing.

If you’re interested, Molepske is drafting a bill that would create more uniformity between the state’s drunken driving laws and drunken sporting laws. The DUI reform recently signed into law was a good step in tightening down on a flagrant problem, but Molepske wants to close what’s basically a blatant loophole.

If you’re convicted of DUI in Wisconsin, you’re written a traffic ticket — the first time. On second and subsequent offenses, you’ll face mounting misdemeanor and then felony charges, along with growing jail or prison sentences.

However, right now, if you’re caught driving a boat, a snowmobile or an ATV, even if you’re so drunk you can hardly sit upright, it’s just a ticket — every time. Those tickets are not counted against your driving record, they won’t get your driver’s license suspended and they don’t stop anyone from offending again.

Molepske wants to change that. Watch for this bill.