subscribeBuzzkill
by dusty on Aug.21, 2009 , under Uncategorized
We live in a special state here in Wisconsin.
As with most things, you don’t realize how special it is until you swap it for something else, only to find that something really sucks. For instance, I couldn’t have been much older than 18 when my folks, my sisters and I traveled to Branson, Missouri for a family reunion. We convened on the first night at a fairly impressive Mom and Pop steakhouse where the smell was just about good enough to knock you to the floor.
Salivating, we awaited the waitress’s arrival. Full of (almost) southern hospitality, she dropped napkins, bread baskets and drink menus in front of us, then pulled out a pen to take drink orders. My old man and I were jacked to see that on top of good service, the place offered an impressive tap beer list, including a family favorite from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. Pops ordered a Honeyweiss, and I quickly followed suit.
“Can I see some ID,” the waitress asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, right,” Dad chuckled, and he and I quickly dug out our wallets and handed our driver’s licenses to the waitress so she could verify that we were father and son.
Now looking slightly perplexed, the waitress took them both, gave a cursory glance to my Dad’s, and then turned to me and said, “I’m sorry, we can’t serve you. You’re under 21.”
It was our turn to raise eyebrows now, and Dad interjected, “No, didn’t you see my license? He’s my son.”
“But the drinking age is 21,” the waitress responded.
“But I’m his father, and I’m telling you it’s okay,” Dad prodded, waiting for her to get it.
“But he’s not 21,” the waitress reiterated. A couple people at a nearby table turned to see what the commotion was.
“He’s my DAD, lady,” I sighed, getting all thirsty and exasperated.
“I’m going to be drinking with him,” Dad said, his own voice rising a little, “and I’m his father. I’m right here.”
At this point, we might as well have been speaking in Greek, and she could have been blathering in Swahili. The Abbot and Costello routine continued for a while longer before my Great Uncle, a Sconnie transplant in Virginia, politely explained that most states in the Union, Missouri among them, are not as enlightened as Wisconsin when it comes to the law’s take on kids drinking with their parents. Simmering, Dad ordered a beer and I ordered a water.
I haven’t spent a dime of my discretionary tourist’s dollars in the state of Missouri since then, and I’ll be damned if you ever catch me in that hellhole Branson again in my life. The Gateway to the West can cram it with walnuts too, for all I’m concerned.
You see, the right to throw one back with your folks is one of the wonderful little gems you’ll find in Wisconsin’s law books that makes riding out five months of frozen wasteland worth the while. While I didn’t do it often as a minor, and I certainly didn’t do it to excess, I look back on the times I enjoyed an adult beverage with my parents in a bar with a sort of misty-eyed reverence. It was a right of passage, and it certainly meant something every time, whether we were celebrating the close of a show with the local theater guild or toasting an academic accomplishment.
It’s an experience I hope to share with my kids decades from now, if the world is unfortunate enough to be cursed with my progeny.
But apparently State Senator Judy Robson never enjoyed any of those magic moments with her three children, because she’s proposed kneecapping Wisconsin’s drink-with-your-parents tradition, cutting it off for anyone under the age of 18. Frankly, the entire notion is ridiculous, because the drinking age should be 18 anyway, but that’s a fight for another day.
The neo-prohibitionists who are slowly gaining clout in Madison and in Wisconsin argue that children drinking with their parents gives kids the impression that drinking is a socially acceptable behavior. Well, it has been going on in our society for several millenia now. What they fail to grasp is that children drinking responsibly with their parents gives kids the impression that drinking responsibly is a socially acceptable behavior, and that’s a good thing.
I come from a family of drinkers. We bat 1.000. Everyone drinks. On my dad’s side of the family, the preferred poison is scotch. On mom’s side, it’s gin. There’s a wide, deep-seated appreciation of various beers and wines on both sides of the family.
One of the memories I cherish most is sitting around after Christmas dinner with my Mom’s family, passing and pulling from a bottle of champagne and saying one thing we were looking forward to about the next year. At the end of the night, we all signed the bottle. I hope someone still has it somewhere.
I come from a family of drinkers, but there’s not a problem alcoholic in the bunch. No DUIs, no stints with AA, and no one inclined to swinging fists on a bender. We bat 1.000, because we learned to drink from the family, and we had sterling examples to follow. From an early age, before I grasped what alcohol was, I knew it wasn’t acceptable to drink and drive a car, it wasn’t okay to depend on alcohol and violence was an off-limits issue altogether.
That there are people who would try to take that learning and bonding experience away from my family is baffling.
Now granted, every family is different. Problem drinkers have kids too, but the notion that they’re pouring Jack down their kids’ throats is utterly ridiculous. There’s a term for that — it’s child abuse. And I’m willing to stake a lot that says the vast majority of parents don’t use Wisconsin’s unique laws to get their kids puking, or even stumbling, drunk. Changing the law would punish 99 percent of families for the actions of the lunatic fringe.
After all, a Wisconsin family withheld medical treatment from their dying daughter on religious grounds, but there’s no law that says parents can’t attempt to impart a faith upon their children. There are children who do irreparable damage to their bodies eating nothing but fast food and fatty snacks seven days a week, but there’s no law mandating parents feed their children five to nine servings of fruit and veggies a day.
Instead, there are laws for dealing with abusive or neglectful or insane parents, and it’s a damn good thing that they’re there. But it’ll be a cold day in hell when the government knows a damn sight more than most parents about raising their kids. I’ve seen how career politicians’ kids turn out. They don’t do any better than the rest of us.
So I’m hoping Senator Robson and her colleagues decide to abandon their regressive tack on the “issue” of children drinking with their parents at bars and decide to focus their efforts on something that actually poses a danger to Wisconsin… You know, like how we’re still the leading state in the nation when it comes to drunk driving?
I’ll leave you to ponder that… with this Weis family bonding moment: game day beer pong with three generations of Weis. That’s my sister and I versus our father and grandfather. Eat your heart out, Judy Robson.
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August 21st, 2009 on 7:36 am
Robson is a failed nurse who now attempts to “give care” to Wisconsities by destroying their family traditions, all in the name of getting drunks off the roads.
On my facebook page, you’ll find plenty of photos of me, having a few with my kids, including a shot of us playing beer pong in their back yard. Teaching your kids HOW to drink, and how to be RESPONSIBLE about drinking, is one of the myriad tasks parents must complete BEFORE the kids are completely on their own.
August 21st, 2009 on 7:40 am
I wholeheartedly agree with you. It’s stinking stupid.
And I can see my house!
August 21st, 2009 on 10:27 am
Beer pong over air hockey? Oh, the humanity…
August 21st, 2009 on 11:35 am
I, too, grew up drinking appropriately with dad–while on hunting trips in WI. On one out of state trip, we had the same confusion you did, for us in South Dakota, and I was denied a beer as well. I was 2 months from turning 21 at the time.
and
Two notes about the picture:
1) There’s my (and Tracy’s) house in the background
2) I’ll note that you are technically drinking on city property since you are on the street side of the sidewalk, which means a cop could give you a ticket for that. An issue for another day and discussion, but that is another issue that had bugged me about the US in general. In many European countries, you can drink almost anywhere you want, and they learned to drink more appropriately than a lot of Americans.
August 24th, 2009 on 9:22 am
Do any of you knuckleheads see the obvious correlation between the family drinking law and WI’s alcoholism problems? http://www.statemaster.com/graph/hea_alc_con_bin_dri-health-alcohol-consumption-binge-drinkers
I live in Madison, blocks from Camp Randall. I see plenty of those “cherished moments” with a whole family getting wasted together, especially on Badger Saturdays. Kids grow up thinking it is perfectly normal to get drunk. There’s a huge difference between Europe and the US. Europeans teach their children that a glass of wine or good beer enhances a meal. Americans teach their children that you can’t watch a football game without downing a case of shwill beer.
Don’t get me wrong. I love a beer as much as anyone else. My dad granted me have a few delightful swigs out of his Miller High Life as a teenager while we were working together on a carpentry project. But my dad drank responsibly and didn’t get drunk in front of me. Ever. And I didn’t grow up thinking that every family event – fishing, hunting, football games, birthday parties, etc. – had to include booze.
My wife sees a steady stream of obese, diabetic, depressed, sickly Wisconsinites every day and nearly all of them have been drinking heavily since their teenage years. They will take almost every corrective measure she suggests except for quitting booze. They can’t imagine going to a game, birthday party, or just a Friday night out without having a bunch of drinks. Is watching your relatives die from liver disease, diabetes, and drunk driving accidents part of your “cherished moments?”
August 24th, 2009 on 9:49 am
@BK And I will bet you hundreds of dollars that those bingedrinkers did not have their parents teach them how to drink responsibly at the local supper club or neighborhood bar.
Binge drinking exists precisely because teetotalers like Robson drive alcohol into the dark corners of adolescence.
August 26th, 2009 on 9:46 am
Ben – What I’m saying is Wisconsinites are not teaching their kids “how to drink responsibly at the local supper club or neighborhood bar.” They are teaching their children that alcohol is the key to a good time and you can’t have fun without it. Dusty won’t even step foot in the state of Missouri because they wouldn’t serve him a beer with his steak. His dad might have said “oh well, who cares. it will be a great steak and the important thing is we’re all here hanging out together.” Instead they pouted like 5 year olds, as if it was the end of the world. Nice lesson. A kid in Dusty’s shoes may or may not go on to be an alcoholic. This attitude is a solid push in the wrong direction though.
My basic concern is the picture I see every football Saturday on my street. College kids getting trashed with their parents/grandparents right alongside egging them on. Even worse, little kids hanging out by the beer pong tables and beer bongs, soaking in the culture and thinking this is completely normal. I watch my neighbor’s 10 year old kid helping tap the keg, fill the beer pong glasses, fetch beers for dad’s buddies, etc. I’m hoping he sees his dad acting like a drunken idiot at 10am in the morning and the embarrassment teaches him a lesson. Probably not.
This isn’t meant to be preachy because I LOVE beer. I just don’t think it should be the center-piece to our culture.
August 26th, 2009 on 11:22 am
Uh, BK… Boy, this is a little embarrassing. You see, I know it’s hard to believe, but I tend to exaggerate details in my blog posts in pursuit of comedic effect. My Dad and I weren’t ACTUALLY “simmering” for the rest of the meal. We still had a great experience as a family, and yes, the steaks were fantastic. When I wrote that I would never go back to Missouri, what I actually meant was… I’ve already been back, and I had a lovely time in Saint Louis going to a Cards game and riding to the top of the arch and all that other touristy junk. And I DIDN’T even have a BEER at the game… Hard to believe from someone with as alcoholic an upbringing as me, right?
You contend that, “Wisconsinites are not teaching their kids ‘how to drink responsibly at the local supper club or neighborhood bar.’” I say that’s an outright falsehood, because I’ve lived it with my parents. Alcohol is not the driving force behind all the good times I have, but it can often be the cherry on top. The thing is, stories like mine don’t make the paper. You don’t wind up in the police blotter for having a few and deciding to catch a cab home. It’s certainly not as visible as Badgers gameday.
You “don’t think (beer) should be the center-piece to our culture.” Fair enough. I don’t mind it so much. This is a very heavily German area. I myself am heavily German (Weis was once spelled with 2 S-es). Germans make some damn good beer, and the substance is historically a part of the culture. And if that part of the culture is not driven “into the dark corners of adolescence” (thanks for that one Ben), I see no reason why it can’t be used as a learning experience, and not a corrupting influence.
That much said, sounds like you live in the Randall ‘hood. I’ve got tickets to Wofford and need a porch to drink on. Think we can work something out?
August 27th, 2009 on 10:43 am
I am so torn on this one. I’ve vomited up some opinions about the issue on my own blog already and met with more than a little bit of criticism. I guess I was naive – I had no idea the “drinking with your folks” thing was such a big deal in Wisconsin (surprise surprise, I didn’t grow up here).
I’m still not entirely comfortable with the idea. But perhaps it’s something better worked out through educational and enforcement efforts, and not legislation. I agree that curbing drunk driving and related domestic abuse are far, far greater problems in this state and more deserving of immediate attention. But I’m still not entirely convinced that it’s a great idea to let kids under 18 drink in bars, even with their parents. Maybe I’ve just encountered too many of the “aberrations” – where the parents are irresponsible and teaching their kids bad habits.
I do agree that the legal drinking age should be 18, though.
August 31st, 2009 on 3:08 am
So, I grew up in WI, and never drank with my parents at a bar. But my parents allowed me an occasional drink at home once I was in my teenage years. Something a lot of you missed is that bars and other establishments have the right to refuse service to anyone, so if they do not want to serve an underager, even with parents present, that is ok. And many establishments wont allow anyone under the age of 18 in after a certain time of day.
That being said, WI is not the only place in America where drinking is a problem, and the law allowing parents to buy their under 21 children a drink is probably not the leading reason there is a large number of drunk drivers in WI. Can we not look at other reasons…. tailgating, drinking at athletic events, large festivals that always ahve beer tents, and many other parts of our culture that nobody would dare go up against. I am not against any of them, but those may have something to do with the level of drinking and driving rather than the law that is being debated.
For or against the law — it should be seen that getting rid of it would not have a large impact on the number of drunk drivers… so what is the point at removing it?